5 Sayings that Don't Help Me

            I have been reading a lot of lists online describing other’s depression and anxiety, and what it is to them. Some I can relate to 100%, but others, because our issues are all different, I can’t even fathom what they are feeling. So, with the feeling of needing to get some more understanding on MY anxiety and depression, I have figured out five sayings that do nothing to help my anxiety and depression. Some of these sayings actually make me feel worse.

#1            It’s ALL in Your Head.

Well, not to sound rude, but duh, I have a mental illness; therefore it is in my head. However, it is not ALL in my head. My anxiety fuels my depression, and my depression fuels my body and energy.

The best way to explain this is as follows: A flower needs sunshine, water and good soil to grow. Without one of these the flower will never shine.

Focus on the words “good soil” for a minute. If I plant two flowers in different flowerbeds depending on how the flowerbed is taken care of will help determine how the flower grows. So, I plant one in a flowerbed that has been tended to. It has been cleared of any objects that could stunt the growth of a flower. The flowers are placed in areas where they are most likely to grow. This flowerbed is tended to daily. It is given water when dry, and is weeded of any negative objects. This flower starts to grow. For many people this is the life they live. They throw out the bad, don’t let it sink in and grow and shine beautifully.

Now, lets talk about the other flower. The other flower is also originally planted in a well-cared for flowerbed. It has been removed of all foreign material. However, this flowerbed is not in the perfect spot to receive the amount of sunlight it needs. This flower is not attended to in such loving ways as #1. Eventually weeds grow and the flower starts doubting its beauty. The flower wonders why all the other flowers around it are blooming into gorgeous flowers. Slowly its anxiety grows because it is not as “perfect” as the other flowers. As the anxiety grows, the depression (weeds) starts to pull it down. The flower no longer wants to be seen, so it tries to hide from everyone and everything. The depression (weeds) have now taken over the flowers body (root system) and is taking the fuel the flower needs.

Trust me, if all my anxiety and depression was JUST in my head, I think I could handle it, but alas, it is not.

#2            Why don’t you ever volunteer for such and such an event?

Next to being a good mommy and wife, there is nothing I would rather do than spend my time serving others. Because of my anxiety, I can be excited about volunteering and getting out of the house, but fear of if I’ll be able to fulfill my responsibilities keeps me from volunteering.

Here’s how my mind works: I volunteer and am excited. I work excitedly for a week or two, than I start questioning my thoughts and ideas. Slowly my anxiety climbs and I am unable to fulfill my responsibility. So, the idea of volunteering is wonderful, but for me, I never know what type of day I’ll have, so it is a challenge for me to volunteer in advance to do something, for fear of being “unreliable”.

#3            If you would just get out of bed you wouldn’t have your anxiety and be depressed.

            Excuse my language, but that is a donkey’s butt comment. There are days that I literally, other than using the bathroom, CANNOT get out of bed. That is how debilitating and exhausting my anxiety and depression can become.

            Yes, I’m fully aware that studies say getting out of bed, exercising, blah, blah, blah will help with depression. However, not ONE of those studies included me, and I am an enigma to the norm. My mind and body are not like the other 99.8% (I totally made up that percentage) of the human race who deal with anxiety and depression.

            Now, I usually (you notice I said usually) do get myself up out of bed for the day. That’s about all I can do for THE WHOLE DANG DAY!! Just getting out of bed and making myself walk down the stairs to get something to eat has pretty much used all my spoons for the day. (If you don’t know what the spoon theory is, here’s a link http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/, go read about it.

            Then if I have plans for one day, I KNOW I have to plan on the day or two before, and the day or two after, not to plan ANYTHING! I will need to conserve my spoons beforehand, and then get them back the following days. It’s a never-ending cycle.

            So, if you tell me to just get out of bed, expect an eye roll at the least, with me possibly calling you stupid at the worst.

#4            How are you feeling?

For me, this is one of the WORST questions to be asked. Truthfully, because I don’t know if you really want to know how I’m doing, or if asking because it's what society expects one to ask. I also feel it is one of the dumbest questions ever created. From anything such as depression and anxiety to losing a loved one, “How do I feel?” are you kidding me? What a ridiculous question. I hurt, I can’t tell you what’s wrong, because more than half the time I don’t know exactly what’s wrong, I feel guilty because I’m not a better wife and mother, I feel sad because I so desperately want to get out of the house for a girls night, but have such overwhelming anxiety I don’t dare make plans and then cancel; therefore, disappointing friends…again, and for the most part I can tell if I’m truly being asked or if it’s just a conversation starter.

#5            It’s going to get easier. Look how far you’ve come.

DON’T. EVER. SAY. THESE. TO. ME.!! You have no idea what I’m going through. Even if you’ve had anxiety and depression, yours is a completely different story than mine. Logically thinking, it has to get easier, but when I’m in a funk or struggling, telling me it is going to get easier, and than telling me to look at how far I’ve come in the last so many months/years, is NOT helping.

Of course, this list is not complete. I have what feels like thousands of more sayings, but in all likely-hood are less than 100, that I would love to share with everyone. As with all illnesses, both seen and unseen, I cannot tell you how others feel; I can only tell you how I feel, and what upsets me or makes life easier for me. This list will continue to grow, and I’ll try to keep updates on our blog at http://anxietyanddepressionasafamily.blogspot.com/.