Awareness

*This week's blog post is courtesy of Hunter. He had to do a report on an illness in health class. He chose to do his report on depression and it's effects on the body. He told me he chose this subject because of what he's seen me go through, and he wants to help spread awareness.*

Depression is dangerous when unmanaged. So those who suffer from it need to take care of themselves and get help. I choose to tell the world that depression is a real illness, and how serious it is when people say they have it. The reason I want to spread this is because I know how it affects the people who live with this illness. My mom has depression and it is very serious.

What is Depression

Depression is a mental disease that is really hard to live with. People think depression is a feeling of sadness, but depression is not a feeling that comes and goes. No, it is a lifetime of despair and self-doubt. One in six people will suffer from a depressive illness at least once in their lifetime. However, nearly two-thirds of depressed people do not get appropriate treatment.

Depression is more than just feeling sad or a little under the weather. Depression is an illness caused by problems with the chemicals in your brain. This chemical imbalance affects how you feel, think and act. Research has shown that it's a medical illness just like diabetes or high blood pressure.

People who suffer from depression are not actually just sad here and there. No, this feeling of inadequacy is constant. So, when people say they have depression they are not  just trying to get attention. Actually, most would prefer that no one knows they have depression.

Symptoms of Depression

There are indications that can help you tell who is depressed. Some of these symptoms include people acting very sullen and not wanting to do anything. People who have depression tend to move very slow, they tend to have small appetites, and are very sad most of the time.

People with depression think that life is not worth living. Depression makes one think that they are not good enough for their family and friends. Some act like everything is fine, but it really hurts. This illness is very hard for them because they are lying to their friends and family. Some people cope with it by physically hurting themselves. Some wish they were not here because of how excruciating the pain they feel is. This can cause them to start having suicidal thoughts. Others just want to make themselves feel invisible. They do this so that they don’t stress anyone else out.

If you notice some of these symptoms in a friend or family member, speak up.

Types of Depression

People of any age can suffer from depression. They all suffer on different scales. Depression in children can make them feel out of place and weird. They like to not go to school. So, they play sick and don’t go to school for week. Some even want to just disappear. Adults suffer on a different scale.

Some suffer with mild depression. These people can live a pretty-basic-normal life. Those who suffer mildly can usually work outside of the home and participate in extracurricular activities. They do not feel much pain, except for they are still slower than normal.

The next level is moderate depression. Many of these people are able to perform tasks that have to be done. However, attending any other activities are not enjoyable. These sufferers are usually good at “faking it, until making it.”  They really are not as happy as they wish to be.

The highest level is severe depression. These sufferers have a hard time just getting out of bed and getting dressed for the day. They are unable to work because they are deemed ‘unreliable’ because of their illness. It can also make them not as mentally awake as a normal person is. Many severe sufferers even contemplate suicide. These thoughts are dangerous and can put a person at risk. Suicide is a permanent solution to a short-term problem. If you have thoughts like these, be sure to contact your doctor right away. Effective treatment can help you see the value of life clearly again.

Treatment

They best way to take care of depression is to get professional help. Some types of professional help include seeing a psychiatrist, a therapist, and even in severe cases medication.

Having a strong support system of family and friends is also important to survive depression. Family help is a strong bond that is needed to manage depression. Studies have been done that people with depression who have no support from family and friends have a lot more depression than with people who do have support. So, if you know anyone with depression find a way to help them live.

The world needs to know that depression is an illness and it does not define the person. This is a very serious illness that needs to be addressed to the world. It takes people from us. It is not a feeling, but it is an illness that hurts. People are not normally infected with this, you are most likely born with it. That is how serious it is.

Ways to Help

So from now on help the people you know with depression. Help them get through the rough time they are in. They might not recognize the symptoms, but the symptoms are blamed on personal weakness or the illness is so severe the person cannot reach out for help.

In closing, depression is an illness, not just a mental lapse. It is caused by chemical imbalances. It can also be caused by tragic events in someone’s life.

Above all, if you’re depressed, there is no reason to be ashamed.

Depression and Pain

*Disclaimer: When I set out writing this blog my goal was to help others understand how a family could live with depression and anxiety. This has come more to be how I personally handle what life throws at me. This in no way deters from what my children and husband feel. But, it has come to be an outlet for me. If anyone would like to hear from another member of my family please let me know. For now though, I'll be the one posting.*

I love memes. Especially those that describe how I'm feeling as accurate as the one above. Having to deal not only with my depression and anxiety but I also have to deal with chronic pain. 

There are many who think I'm lazy and just don't want to be responsible. However, this is not true. Why would I want to spend hours and even days in pain? I would so much rather be an active part of my family and friends lives. 

The pain I have to live with, is at times, unbearable and difficult to explain. Depending on which part of my body is hurting the most I can be feeling anywhere from pressure to unmanageable burning and stinging. Regardless of where I hurt, many don't believe me. This hurts me. Truthfully, I fake being well so much more than I admit being in pain. 

One of the many struggles I have with my pain is the ability it has to worsen my depression. When my pain becomes so intense that I cannot force myself out of bed my depression becomes debilitating. 

Unable to be up and about makes me feel worthless. Then I begin to think that everyone would be better off without me. No one would have to take care of me, take off work or miss out on wanted activities because of my health. My loved ones wouldn't have to worry about what was going on with me at home while they are at work or school. There would be no more hospital/medical or prescription bills. They could use their money for things they want, instead of having to spend so much money on me for my health.

Now, I know this is inaccurate thinking, and I know where these thoughts come from, but worrying is something I struggle with (my grandmother was the "Queen" of worry). 

On Tuesday I had a discectomy on my L4/L5 disc and L5/S1 disc. I was in so much pain that I couldn't walk more than 10 steps without my hips and legs feeling like I had 1,000 pins pushed into them. This pain had kept me in my own world for weeks, making my depression deepen. I was ready to just give up, but knowing my family was around I knew I couldn't give in to that feeling.

My surgery worked wonderful. I no longer have the shooting, burning pain that I had. I can feel my feet. They aren't the shape of cantaloupes, they look like actual feet. Not being in excruciating pain 24 hours a day is wonderful. 

I'm so thankful for modern medicine and doctors who can perform surgery as less invasive as possible. I don't have a large scar on my back. I have a small incision the size of a fingernail. I was home 8 hours after leaving my home. I was up and walking the day of surgery. I was able to feel everything I needed to feel. It has been so nice. Not being in pain has helped immensely with my depression. I am more upbeat and happy than I was before. I am so thankful for that. 

When seeing someone who cannot get out of bed, or move with ease I beg of you to try and see the person, not the situation. You never know what someone is feeling. Don't judge. Don't guilt. 

Be understanding for, 

. Thanks for being understanding.

Mind over Matter

Pain. Depression. Anxiety. Stress. Panic.

What do all these have in common? The ability to keep me from living. What could possibly help me get out of bed? Medicine, maybe. Children, high chance. Mind over matter, highly doubtful.

So, let's say that I choose to have a "mind-over-matter" day. I'm going to get up and do EVERYTHING that NEEDS and SHOULD be done. Let's see what happens.

7 a.m. Get up and get the kids up and going for school.

7:45 a.m. I'm home alone. I'll eat breakfast.

8 a.m. Exercise for 30 minutes.

8:30 a.m. Change a load of laundry.

8:45 a.m. Shower and get ready for the day.

9:30 a.m. Change laundry again.

9:40 a.m. Clean the house. This includes: dishes, dining room, front room and bathroom.

11 a.m. Get shoes and socks on.

11:15 a.m. Leave to pick up 5 year old from school.

11:30 a.m. Wait with 5 year old at elementary school. (I know if I go home I won't want to leave again.

12:30 p.m. Pick up 7 and 9 year old's from elementary school.

12:45 p.m. Drop off children at boys and girls club.

1 p.m. Arrive back home.

1:05 p.m. Change laundry again.

1:10 p.m. Look at clock and wonder about taking a nap. Realize I have a lot of things that still needed to be completed.

1:15 p.m. eat lunch with 5 year old.

1:45 p.m. Work on folding clothes.

2 p.m. Look at time and wonder how in the world I'm going to make it until 9 p.m.

2:30 p.m. Decide what to do for dinner. Pull out meat that will be needed.

3 p.m. Change laundry again.

3:15 p.m. Leave to pick up 12 and 13 year old's from Junior High.

4 p.m. Arrive back home.

4:15 p.m. Have one of the older children change laundry. Keep working on folding clothes, while looking longingly at my bed.

4:55 p.m. Send Hunter to church to meet Ryan for scouts.

5:15 p.m. Start thinking about making dinner. Sit at table and have Joanie help me with dinner.

6:30 p.m. Eat dinner.

7:30 p.m. Youngest two children get in bath and ready for bed.

8:30 p.m. Family prayer.

9 p.m. Watch a TV show with Ryan.

10 p.m. Literally crash into bed, but unable to sleep because of all the thoughts running through my head.

Midnight: Finally fall asleep.

Next three days: Can't get out of bed because my body is in shock and refuses to move. I'm in so much pain that even the thought of getting up to use the bathroom makes me cry.

So, I have one day of mind over matter, but the next few days I'm completely useless and not even able to be with the family.

Now, I'm not going to go into what a normal day looks like, but suffice it to say I usually have two naps and am able to sit at the table with the family for a few hours in the evening. On top of that the following days I'm able to still get up and be with the family.

I do have some mind over matter every day, but realizing that if I want to be a part of my family in the evenings, I MUST take my naps and not overdo it with housework.

I must remember what is the most important aspect of my life is my family. Spending those hours in the evenings with them is truthfully what gets me through my days. So, I will take my naps and be there for my husband and children.

Why I Take Medicine for my Depression and Anxiety

My health history would not only surprise some, but it would bore some to death. Just to give you a sneak peek into my health, here's some information. Not only do I suffer from depression and anxiety but I also have diabetes, Fibromyalgia, chronic pain, migraines, and a host of other issues. 

There are some who question whether or not medicine is beneficial or needed to treat mental diseases. Yes, even I have friends and family members who are naysayers. I have been told "life will get better", "You need to think positive", and one of my favorite, "It's all in your head". Of course it's all in my head. I have a mental disease and without a brain my issues wouldn't exist.

A number of years ago when I was being treated for high blood pressure I was being seen by a wonderful doctor. I was in my late 20s and struggling with having to take medicine daily. My doctor asked me the only question he knew would make me take my medicine regularly. "Do you want to see your children graduate high school and get married?" I immediately started crying. How could he be so mean? How could he even question my love for my children? After I calmed down I told him that yes I wanted to be around for those events. His response, "Well, you need to take your damn medicine"!

This exclamation was an eyeopener for me. Was taking medication for my high blood pressure really going to help me live longer? I decided taking it was a necessity.

Fast forward five years and I still have high blood pressure, but I've now been diagnosed with diabetes and my depression. I have a new doctor and I'm extremely hesitant to take meds for my depression. 

It is socially unacceptable and an embarrassment to take medicine for depression. I should be able to deal with my depression on my own. My life is ideal, why do I suffer from depression? All these thoughts went through my mind, and were verbally said to me. I was heartbroken. How could I admit to having a mental disease if no one believed me or supported me? 

Once again at my doctor visit he begins asking me questions. 

Doc:  "Do you take medicine for your high blood pressure?"

Me: "Yes."

Doc: "Do you take medicine for your diabetes?"

Me: "Of course."

Doc: "Why is it OK for you to take medicine for these diseases, but not for your depression?"

Me: "I could die if I don't take my other medicine."

Doc: "The same thing could happen if we don't control your depression."

It was hard to hear this, but it was what I needed to hear. At that time I was able to stay on the medicine for a year and then go off it for a number of years. 

Sadly, three years later I was hospitalized and have not been able to get off medicine for my depression and anxiety.

I no longer feel that it is wrong to take medicine for a mental disease. I can admit that I will be on medication for the rest of my life, and I'm OK with that. My life is still great. I have a loving husband who spoils me, two wonderful children who make being a mom easy, and family and friends who, I hope, are beginning to understand a little more about mental illness.

So, the answer to why do I take medicine for my mental diseases is this: I want to be a mom. I want to live and see my children graduate from school. I want to see them get married. Above all, I want to be a mom to my children in the here and now. I want to be a mom they can say was there for them, and who loves them with all my heart. I don't have to be 100% all the time, but me at 30% is still better than me at 0%. And the only way for me to be this mom is to take my medicine.