Why I Take Medicine for my Depression and Anxiety

My health history would not only surprise some, but it would bore some to death. Just to give you a sneak peek into my health, here's some information. Not only do I suffer from depression and anxiety but I also have diabetes, Fibromyalgia, chronic pain, migraines, and a host of other issues. 

There are some who question whether or not medicine is beneficial or needed to treat mental diseases. Yes, even I have friends and family members who are naysayers. I have been told "life will get better", "You need to think positive", and one of my favorite, "It's all in your head". Of course it's all in my head. I have a mental disease and without a brain my issues wouldn't exist.

A number of years ago when I was being treated for high blood pressure I was being seen by a wonderful doctor. I was in my late 20s and struggling with having to take medicine daily. My doctor asked me the only question he knew would make me take my medicine regularly. "Do you want to see your children graduate high school and get married?" I immediately started crying. How could he be so mean? How could he even question my love for my children? After I calmed down I told him that yes I wanted to be around for those events. His response, "Well, you need to take your damn medicine"!

This exclamation was an eyeopener for me. Was taking medication for my high blood pressure really going to help me live longer? I decided taking it was a necessity.

Fast forward five years and I still have high blood pressure, but I've now been diagnosed with diabetes and my depression. I have a new doctor and I'm extremely hesitant to take meds for my depression. 

It is socially unacceptable and an embarrassment to take medicine for depression. I should be able to deal with my depression on my own. My life is ideal, why do I suffer from depression? All these thoughts went through my mind, and were verbally said to me. I was heartbroken. How could I admit to having a mental disease if no one believed me or supported me? 

Once again at my doctor visit he begins asking me questions. 

Doc:  "Do you take medicine for your high blood pressure?"

Me: "Yes."

Doc: "Do you take medicine for your diabetes?"

Me: "Of course."

Doc: "Why is it OK for you to take medicine for these diseases, but not for your depression?"

Me: "I could die if I don't take my other medicine."

Doc: "The same thing could happen if we don't control your depression."

It was hard to hear this, but it was what I needed to hear. At that time I was able to stay on the medicine for a year and then go off it for a number of years. 

Sadly, three years later I was hospitalized and have not been able to get off medicine for my depression and anxiety.

I no longer feel that it is wrong to take medicine for a mental disease. I can admit that I will be on medication for the rest of my life, and I'm OK with that. My life is still great. I have a loving husband who spoils me, two wonderful children who make being a mom easy, and family and friends who, I hope, are beginning to understand a little more about mental illness.

So, the answer to why do I take medicine for my mental diseases is this: I want to be a mom. I want to live and see my children graduate from school. I want to see them get married. Above all, I want to be a mom to my children in the here and now. I want to be a mom they can say was there for them, and who loves them with all my heart. I don't have to be 100% all the time, but me at 30% is still better than me at 0%. And the only way for me to be this mom is to take my medicine.

What it's like in the eyes of a daughter

I'm Joanie. I'm the oldest child of the sufferer, Abby. As a child of someone that suffers from anxiety and depression, I know what it's like to see someone you love stay at home all day because they are nervous and anxious about being around people. Having anxiety and depression together is hard for the person who suffers from it, but does anyone think about how hard it is for the sufferers loved ones, who have to watch and, at times, not be able to help?

I have watched as my mom has anxiety attacks and sometimes I can't do anything to help. When it's bad enough she sits in bed and rubs her hands together. When this happens I never know what to do, it scares me. My mom has good days and that lasts for a couple of days, but then everything she had done catches up to her and she spends a couple more day in her room. Whenever Hunter or I have important events coming up, my mom has to take medication in order to be able to come and see our parts and than she has to go in a hall or separate room for the rest of the performances.

Any performer or person who knows concert etiquette knows that it is considered highly rude to walk out of a concert or performance. Because of my mom's diseases, she isn't able to stay in the crowded gym after Hunter or I's band or dance concerts. Whenever we have band concerts (since we don't do dance anymore) our mom stays in long enough to at least see our performances, sometimes she is able to stay longer. It makes me sad that my mom can't handle staying to watch all performances because she loves hearing band, orchestra and other performances.

The best times are when we stay at home as a family and do activities, or when we go driving in the mountains. We have so much fun that when a bad day comes up it scares me. When we drive in the mountains you can see the peace on mom's face as we look at the scenery.

The times when I see my mom's face content and peaceful are the times I most enjoy.

Last, but not least . . . Hunter

When I'm asked to describe Hunter it is extremely difficult. The clearest answer is "Hunter is Hunter."

It would take hours, if not days,  to accurately describe Hunter. Hunter is the life of the party. He loves making people laugh. He is tenderhearted and cares about everyone. He wants everyone to be happy. He has the ability to make everyone feel welcome and loved. He loves serving those around him. I could keep going and never end, but there's more to tell about Hunter.

Hunter is 11, almost 12 years old. He turns 12 in March. He loves the Gospel of Jesus Christ with a love unsurpassed. His testimony and faith is so strong it amazes me. With such a strong testimony there are times I lean on his testimony to help me through difficult times.

Hunter has the spirit of missionary work in his heart. He loves going and sitting in on discussions with the missionaries. He is excited about going on a mission. With his ability to make everyone feel welcome and loved, he will be a wonderful missionary.

Hunter has been a huge help the last few years. He has been my snuggle-buddy through it all. He knows when I need a hug and he searches me out to give me that hug. He does what's asked of him, with little to no complaining. He is his sister's biggest advocate and friend. He is an awesome tween who is well-liked by others.

Hunter brings light and happiness to those he comes in contact with. I am so blessed to have him for a son.

Introducing...Joanie

I have sat down at the computer a number of times to introduce Joanie and have stopped because I don't know how to describe Joanie to everyone. It's a challenge to describe a child who is so special in so many ways. My goal today is to actually be able to introduce Joanie in a way that everyone who gets to know her understands how special she is.

Joanie is 13 years old. Not only is she named after an incredible lady, Joanie Rich, she is a lot like Joanie #1 and has many of the same attributes. We couldn't have named her after a better lady.

Joanie is in 7th grade at Excelsior Academy where she excels in all her subjects. She plays the flute in band, and has picked up Spanish at an alarmingly quick rate. After being in Utah History for a couple of weeks, she found out that her teacher, Mr. Maher, is related to her through Ryan's family. This has made history much more interesting for her. Although math and science are her challenging classes she still pulls off an A every term.

Joanie has a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, that is stronger than my testimony. She has a unique bond with her Heavenly Father and older brother Jesus Christ. She knows where and whom to turn to in times of need. She loves attending church and is actively involved in the Young Woman program. She has an inner-light that glows for everyone to see. She loves watching General Conference. When she listens to conference she is enlightened with thoughts of friends and family who need to read/hear such topics. Seeing how she has the Holy Ghost with her at all times brings a fresh start to our family.

Joanie enjoys children and babysits around the neighborhood. She has been referred to as a child-whisperer and baby-whisperer in the past. Children love her and she loves them. She is patient and kind to all children.

Joanie is much like me. She has a few close friends, but lots of friends. She has a personality that draws others to her.

When she entered our life, she came as a gift from God. As I look back over the past years I know she was sent to us at a time when she would be able to help at the best possible time.

I don't know if this does any justice introducing Joanie, but she is an amazing and incredible young woman who I'm thankful to call my daughter.